The Lamber Letters Hall of Fame

Welcome to the Lamber Letters, highlighting my attempt to change the world, one letter at a time.

While navigating my blog site, just click THE LAMBER LETTERS at the top of the page to return to this directory.


  1. Snickers candy bars: You’re Bad At Math
  2. Yoo Hoo: I Was Attacked By Yoo Hoo
  3. Coca Cola: I Can’t Share a Coke With Tiffany
  4. Red Man Chew: Mouth Cancer Diversity
  5. Playboy: I Want To Feel the Pictures!
  6. Copenhagen Pooches: Tobacco For Dogs
  7. United States Forest Service: Your Tree Attacked Me!
  8. New Hope Fellowship Church: Our Hope is Even NEWER!
  9. Pepperidge Farms: Faceless Goldfish Snack Crackers
  10. Mesa Baptist Church: More Oxygen, Less Nitrogen, Please!

Scott Lamber’s FAVORITE posts (by date written):

  1. Victor Mouse Traps: Your Trap Keeps Catching ME!
  2. Long John Silver restaurant: You’re the Hitler of the Sea
  3. Kellogg’s Rice Krispies: I’m Hearing Impaired–Please Make a LOUDER version of your product
  4. City of Phoenix: The Little WALK/DON’T WALK sign is racist
  5. Kroger Grocery Stores: Your Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream is Hallucinogenic
  6. Vibram “Five Finger” shoes: Please Don’t Make a Men’s Swimsuit
  7. Shiprock, New Mexico: Rocks Cannot Be Used as Ships
  8. Blue Sky Pest Control: Please Help With Our Dalek Infestation
  9. Bulwark Pest Control: Dig Dug (video game) Has Come To Life in My Back Yard
  10. Our Friends, Tom & Laurie: Shrub Worshippers
  11. Nestle 100 Grand Bar: Link Your Name to the Inflation Rate
  12. Property Management Pest Control: Earthworms Might Eat My Face
  13. Flight Journal Magazine: Bomber Run at 25 MPH
  14. Malaysia Airlines: Buck Up! Your Lost Plane Is Bound to Turn Up Sooner or Later
  15. Food Bank: I Killed a Man With a Sweet Potato
  16. Celsius Energy Drink: Your Product Vaporized My Roommate
  17. European Wax Center: Panties and a Sweater
  18. My friend Sam: If You Freeze Coffee, We’ll Sue You
  19. Driggs Title Agency: Name My Nazi Time Travel Porn Novel
  20. New Balance Shoes: I STILL Fell Down
  21. Sealy Mattress: How Do I Delete the Memory Foam’s Memory?
  22. Math Teacher Organization: Math “Problems” and Space Cheese
  23. Snickers Bar: You’re Bad at Math

Letters To Coca Cola:

  1. Bathing In Coca Cola
  2. I Can’t Share a Coke With Tiffany
  3. Share a Coke With the Communist Party
  4. Your Santa Claus Looks Like Herman Melville

Pest Control Letters:

  1. Arizona Exterminating: Join the Dalek or Die
  2. Blue Sky Pest Control: Dalek Infestation
  3. Bryant Pest Control: Mynocks!
  4. Bulwark Pest Control: Pookas and Fygars
  5. (Three Companies): Sarlaac Pit, Cylons and Ceti Eels
  6. (Two Companies): Cornish Pixies and Parasprites
  7. EcoSmart: Acromantulas
  8. Bill’s Termite: Graboids
  9. Integrity Pest Control: Cataquacks
  10. Orkin, ProBest: Tribbles, Body Snatchers
  11. Pest Control Solutions: Xenomorphs
  12. (Two Companies): Womp Rats and Meth Bugs
  13. MD Bugs: Yellow-Spotted Lizards
  14. Desert Castle, SOS Exterminating: Sasquatch and Tracker Jackers
  15. Great Western, Lady Bug: Butterflies, Creepers
  16. Property Management PC: Earthworm Crisis
  17. Howard Pest Control: Sleestacks
  18. (Two Companies): Ladybugs, Nargles
  19. Green Mango Pest Control: Bison Infestation
  20. Dynamic Pest Control: My Wife Gave Birth to Aliens
  21. PestMaster Services: Tyrannosaurs
  22. BugMan Exterminating: Ghosts (Who Ya Gonna Call)
  23. Spray Plus: Mayonnaise Infestations