Inappropriate Fanny Waggling

Dean Nelson is a local musician and a friend. I invented KAREN and Karen Schreiber.

Dear Mr. Nelson and Associates,

You are going to burn endlessly like bacon fat in the unquenchable flames of Hell unless you repent of your evil.

Our organization has recently been made aware of your lewd and licentious public performances, involving inappropriate fanny waggling, liberal use of the “F” word, an admonition for women to shake (their) “pom poms” among other equally heinous offenses.

KAREN has successfully held the glowing golden line of morality, standing in the gap between Satan and his unholy minions and a vulnerable future Christian utopia. We have defended goodness, righteousness and niceness since 1989 when our founder, Karen Latimer, inspired by Tipper Gore, Nancy Reagan and the other “Washington Wives” organized our group.  Since that date we have broadcast the truth and love of good and proper conduct through our lovingly threatening letters, lawsuits and various other clever tactics to ensure that rightness and morality will prevail. And we will win.

We freely and lovingly forgive those who repent from their wicked ways and stop corrupting the young people of America. Or how would you like a court-ordered injunction against the publication of your so-called music? We can make America great again by banning unwholesome free speech once and for all. Our office can be accessed by dialing 480-258-9629 from any functioning domestic telephone (a “1” may have to be dialed before the area code on *land lines). Remember, we love you enough to harass you until you’re the beacon of morality and swellness that you were created to be.

In the Lord,

Karen Schreiber, Undersecretary to Ms. Latimer

2 Chronicles 7:14

“This made my year.” –Dean Nelson

Also, it came with a matching envelope.

The inside of the envelope had this *ahem* inspiring pattern:

Check out Dean Nelson’s AMAZING single Pom Pom here.

3 thoughts on “Inappropriate Fanny Waggling

  1. Pingback: 2022 Lamber Letters Hall of Fame: | The Lamber Letters

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